The
Marriage Process in Islam
By Shaad Ahmed
Before Marrying
Selecting a Spouse
The first thing we
should look for when marrying is how committed the person is to Islam.
Prophet Muhammad
(sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, "A woman is normally sought as a wife for her wealth,
beauty, nobility, or religiousness (adherence to Islam), but choose a religious
woman and you will prosper." (Muslim)
And he said, "A woman is married for four things,
i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. You should
marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a loser."(Bukhari) And he said, "The whole world is a provision, and the
best object of benefit of the world is the pious woman."(Muslim)
The same holds true when
looking for a husband, as the Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alayhi was sallam)
said, "When someone with whose religion and
character you are satisfied asks to marry your daughter, comply with his
request. If you do not do so, there will be corruption and great evil on
earth." (Tirmidhi)
Of course, both parties
have to agree to marry one another and they cannot be forced to marry one
another.
The Messenger of Allah
(sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, "A woman whom has been previously married has more right
concerning herself than her guardian, and virgins consent must be asked about
herself…" (Bukhari and Muslim)
Rules of Al-Khutbah
(Request to marry a
woman and the acceptance of the proposal)
The man has permission
to see her face before agreeing to marry as the Messenger of Allah (sallallahu
alayhi was sallam) said, "Go and look at
her (the woman you are considering marrying) because this will help your time
together to be strengthened." (Ahmad)
After a man and woman
have agreed to marry, they have to remember that the man is still not her mahram (men prohibited to her, including her father, brothers, sons,
maternal and paternal uncles, and nephews). This means they cannot still deal
with one another as partners in any way (such as shaking hands, gazing at one
another, being alone together, going out together, etc.), or go out with one
another as we see people in the west doing.
Prophet Muhammad
(sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, "Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him not
have a private audience with a woman without her mahram." (Ahmad)
The Wedding Ceremony
(Nikaah)
Components
1 – Consent: Aishah (R)
asked Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) if women must be asked
for their permission of marriage. Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was
sallam) replied, "Yes."
She said, the virgin is
asked for her permission but she gets shy.
Prophet Muhammad
(sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, "Her silence is her permission." (Bukhari and Muslim)
2 – The Wallee (Woman’s
Guardian): Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, "There is no nikaah except with a
wallee." (Ahmad, Abu Dawood,
Tirmidhi)
3 – Two Witnesses:
Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, "There is no marriage except with a
wallee and trustworthy witnesses." (Sahih - Bayhaqee) Also, "There is no marriage except with a wallee and two
witnesses." (Sahih Al-Jaami’)
4 – The Mahr (Dowry):
Allah says (what means): "And give to the
women their dowry with a good heart, but if they out of their own good pleasure
remit any part of it to you, take it and enjoy it without fear of any
harm." (Al-Nisa 4:4)
The mahr can be of any
amount, Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, "Look for one even if it was an iron
ring." (Bukhari and Muslim)
The woman is not obliged
to give the man anything at the time of the wedding, as is done in some
cultures.
Acts to be Avoided
We should be careful to
not act as the disbelievers do regarding their mixing of men and women, wearing
tuxedos and white wedding gowns, exchanging rings, kissing in public, etc.
Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu
alayhi was sallam) said, "Whoever
resembles a people is one of them." (Abu Dawood)
After the Wedding
Supporting Ones Wife
The man is responsible
for providing for his wife, as Allah says (what means), "Let the wealthy man spend according to
his means; and let the man whose provisions are restricted spend according to
what Allah has given him. Allah does not burden a soul beyond what He has given
it, and Allah will grant ease after a hardship." (Al-Talaq 65:7)
Islam even gives women
the right to take secretly money from their husbands if the husbands are not
providing for them. Hind, the wife of Abu Sufyan, came to Prophet Muhammad
(sallallahu alayhi was sallam) and said, "O Messenger of Allah, Abu Sufyan
is a stingy man and does not give me and my children enough provisions except
when I take something from him without his knowledge." Prophet Muhammad
(sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, "Take what is reasonably sufficient for you and your children." (Bukhari and Muslim)
Educating Ones Family
Since the man has put in
the position of providing for his family, he must also provide them with the
proper Islamic education to keep them from the hellfire.
Allah says (what means), "O you who believe! Save yourselves and
your families from a fire whose fuel is men and stones (that were worshipped),
over it are appointed angels stern and severe, who disobey not the Commands
they receive from Allah, but do that which they are commanded." (Al-Tahrim 66:6)
Both the husband and
wife should make sure their home is a place where Allah is remembered and His
Commandments are reflected and acted upon. Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi
was sallam) said, "The similitude of a
home in which Allah is remembered and a home in which He is not is like the
living and the dead." (Muslim)
The Wife Obeying Her
Husband
A woman must obey her
husband as long as he does not tell her to perform any haraam (unlawful) acts.
Allah says (what means), "…the righteous women are devoutly
obedient, and guard in absence what Allah would have then guard." (Al-Nisa 4:34)
Kind Treatment To Ones
Wife
Just because Allah has
given men a position of authority does not give them the right to abuse it.
They have to treat their wives in the best manner.
Allah says (what means), "Live with them honorably." (Al-Nisa 4:19)
Prophet Muhammad
(sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, "The believer with the most complete faith is the one with
the best character, and the best of them are those whom treat their women the
best." (Tirmidhi)
We can see from the
seerah (biography) of Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) that he
would help his wives with housework and would engage in games with them as
well.
source :
http://www.shawuniversitymosque.org/matri/view_article.php?article_id=7
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